Are You In Love With a Sociopath?

Are You In Love With a Sociopath?

Sociopaths are all around us. When we hear that term, people like Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, and Bernie Madoff come to mind, but reality is that most of us will encounter someone who is a sociopath during our lives. Some of us will get sucked into a relationship that is very hard to get out of and is very dangerous; others of us will escape unharmed, but potentially have interesting stories to tell about the insane things the sociopath talked us into doing.

At first, your partner may have seemed too good to be true. Sociopaths are fabulous at making people feel special, oozing charm, wit, humor, and (what appears to be) affection. Once they have reeled you in, though, some of the more noticeable features that will surface are manipulation, grandiosity, lack of emotions (including the ability to love), pathological lying, lack of remorse, and the need for stimulation. Sociopathic characteristics start before the age of 15, and does not seem to be influenced by upbringing, so if your partner is indeed a sociopath, chances are there is a history of these behaviors long before you came into the picture.

You are likely not their only partner, either.

Sociopaths (who would qualify for the diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder, if they were to land in a mental health clinician’s office, but likely won’t unless forced to) see relationships as games. To them, romantic partners are people who will buy into their lies, and they are enthralled with the “chase” of trying to get a partner to fall in love with them. Sociopaths know just the right words to say, just the right moves to make, and just how to dupe you so that they walk away the winner, and you have lost everything (sometimes literally). By the time you figure it out, they have their new victim in their next partner.

Signs you might be in a relationship with a sociopath:

  • Your partner lies more often than they tell the truth.
  • Your partner has no friends, but also has ready excuses for why that is.
  • Your partner can’t hang on to a job (and also has ready excuses for why that is.)
  • Your partner shows no remorse when they do something wrong, whether it is to you or others.
  • Your partner blames others for things that were clearly their own fault.
  • Your partner is constantly seeking that “next thrill” through drugs, alcohol, risky behaviors, sexual promiscuity, etc.
  • Your partner has a long list of past relationships, and somehow, they all ended because it was the other person’s fault.

If you think you are in a relationship with a sociopath, here are some tips for ending the relationship:

  • Recognize there is nothing you can do to change your partner. Even mental health practitioners don’t have the cure for sociopathy.
  • Enlist help from family and friends, and cut off all contact with your partner. That means leaving your home, changing your phone number, not emailing/texting/Facebooking, etc., and basically pretending that you have fallen off the face of the earth until they lose interest and move on. Easy? No. Worth it? Yes. (More about this piece of advice here.)
  • Get help yourself from a mental health professional. There’s a reason you fell into a relationship like this, and therapy will help you figure it out so it doesn’t happen again.

Resources

The Sociopathic Style: Information on sociopaths, psychopaths, and their victims

This recent blog post on PJ Media has an interesting perspective on sociopaths, and describes why they are both so enticing and so destructive.

Profile of the Sociopath also has information about the characteristics of sociopaths.

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Love advice I would give to my own daughter!

“A man will treat you the way you allow him too. ” my favorite saying.

Why men love bitches” (from doormat to dream-girl) by Shery Argov.

 It’s not about being a bitch per sei, but to be aware of male behavior,

being assertive, protect yourself, not be gullible and never let
men take advantage of you, jump through hoops, or overcompensate, because of insecurity, or low self-esteem. You see, being needy, or desperate is a turn-off for men and they can smell it on
you. The minute a guy can tell that he’s got you, he tends to lose interest.
The bitch is smart & keeps him on his toes. She’s unpredictable
and plays by her own rules. She doesn’t sacrifices her life, her
hobbies, friends and interests. She stays true to who she is, with
or without a man. She doesn’t need a man to be happy.
Men love women who are independent , with her interests, her
own life, which puts less pressure on him.
The difference between a bitch & a doormat, is that the bitch does
not put up with bad behavior & demands respect, with her actions,
while the doormat bends over backwards to accommodate a man.
The result is that he will take her for granted.
For example:
If the bitch is with a guy who is in a bad mood, or he misbehaves…
then she will cut the date short, with a polite excuse as “let’s call
it a night” to teach him she won’t tolerate anything less than a
good time. The doormat however, will do anything to cheer him
up and will  jump through hoops to do so. If he asks her to drive
to his place, bring him things, cook for him, she will comply.
If a date is late, the doormat will wait, while the bitch leaves after
20 minutes. Her time is valuable and she’s got a life.
The doormat is always available & accepts last-minute dates, while
the bitch waits for no one and  is often too busy with her own life,
which makes her a challenge and something to be conquered.
When it comes to sex… the doormat is an easy lay, since she’s
so desperate to have a man & doesn’t trust that she can hold his
interest. The bitch is confidant, knowing she has plenty to offer
outside of the boudoir. She lets him wait, which makes her more
alluring and less predictable.
Who do you think a man will respect more?
Women must learn not to reward a man for bad behavior.
Don’t do things he can do for himself like laundry, or cleaning
Don’t pay for a man ( his rent, clothes, bills, etc. )
Don’t be gullible and believe everything he says.
Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve
Don’t be”too available”
Don’t drop your plans, or friends, when a guy calls
Don’t have sex “too soon” ( 3-5 dates )
Don’t drive to his place to pick him up for a date
Don’t accept “last-minute” dates
Don’t tolerate bad behavior
Don’t chase a man
Do’s:
Be your own person
Listen and look out for red flags
Keep your friends and interests
Be slightly unpredictable
Keep busy with your own life
Be assertive about what you want ( or don’t want )
Stay just outside of his reach, so he won’t take you for granted
Be wary of the guy who talks too much, makes promises right
off the bat and speaks about the future. Major red flag!
The ideal date ( = mate ) both speaks and listens equally. He is
focused on you and asks questions about you, showing interest
in who you are.
Pay close attention to “his pattern” of conduct. Is he consistent
( calles every 2-3 days? ) or does he “blow hot and cold” ( coming
on strong & then pulling back and disappearing for a week or more?)
Watch his body language when you ask him questions. Does he
answer spontaneously, look you in the eye, or is he evasive, stalls
and fidgets? Make sure to ask important questions in person to be 
able to observe him and his reaction.
Et voila ladies. Be smart with your heart and think long-term
gratification. Easy come, easy go! Respect is earned, not given,
so learn to take it slow, with a new man and judge by the way he
treats you and the people around you, not his words, or promises.
And the saying is true, if he is into you nothing will keep him away. Trust.