Might as will face it you’re addicted to love

It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” – Rose Kennedy

As I am still coming to terms with losing who I thought was the love of my life. Key word here ” THOUGHT”

I decide to do a comparison on healthy love VS. addictive love.  These are some valid observations. Needless to say all the points listed below for addictive love pretty much describe most of my last relationship. 

1.         Healthy Love develops after we feel secure.

            Addictive Love tries to create love even though we feel frightened and insecure.

 2.         Healthy Love comes from feeling full.  We overflow with love.

            Addictive Love is always trying to fill an inner void. 

3.         Healthy Love begins with self love.

            Addictive Love always seeks love “out there” from that “special someone.” 

4.         Healthy Love comes to us once we’ve given up the search.

            Addictive Love is compulsively sought after. 

5.         Healthy Love comes from inside.  It wants to give.

            Addictive Love comes from outside.  It wants to take. 

6.         Healthy Love grows slowly, like a tree. 

Addictive Love grows fast, as if by magic, like those children’s animals that expand instantly when we add water. 

7.         Healthy Love thrives on time alone as well as time with our partner.

            Addictive Love is frightened of being alone and afraid of being close. 

8.         Healthy Love is unique.  There is no “ideal lover” that we seek.

            Addictive Love is stereotyped.  There is always a certain type that attracts us. 

9.         Healthy Love is gentle and comfortable.

            Addictive Love is tense and combative. 

10.       Healthy Love is based on a deep knowing of ourselves and our lover.

            Addictive Love is based on hiding from ourselves and falling in love with an ideal “image” not a person.

11.       Healthy Love encourages us to be ourselves, to be honest from the beginning with who we are, including our faults.

            Addictive Love encourages secrets.  We want to look good and put on an attractive mask. 

12.       Healthy Love flows out.

            Addictive Love caves in. 

13.       Healthy Love creates a deeper sense of ourselves the longer we are together.

            Addictive Love creates a loss of self the longer we are together. 

14.       Healthy Love gets easier as time goes on.

            Addictive Love requires more effort as time goes on. 

15.       Healthy Love is like rowing across a gentle lake.

            Addictive Love is like being swept away down a raging river. 

16.       Healthy Love grows stronger as fear decreases.

            Addictive Love expands as fear increases. 

17.       Healthy Love is satisfied with what we have.

            Addictive Love is always looking for more or better. 

18.       Healthy Love encourages interests to expand in the world.

            Addictive Love encourages outside interests to contract. 

19.       Healthy Love is based on the belief that we want to be together.

            Addictive Love ;p- on the belief that we have to be together. 

20.       Healthy Love teaches that we can only make ourselves happy.

            Addictive Love expects the other person to make us happy and demands that we try to make them happy. 

21.       Healthy Love creates life.

            Addictive Love creates melodramas.

So lets start looking for healthy happy relationships instead of these twisted melodramas. Though yes it can be like a drug in the beginning, I think we all know how those stories end.  Yes, with us in love rehab.  I have been clean almost 2 years now. How about you?

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Broken hearts club….no membership fee required.

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Romantic relationships can be really complicated and may even end with a bad breakup. The worst thing  about these “sad endings” is that at least one heart ends up broken. Getting over a break up can be tough. Sometimes, it’s even hard for both sides–after all, breaking up is not easy to do. It hurts to throw away your story with someone–all the good memories and the dreams and plans you two had for the future. Mending a broken heart takes time and patience. But you must face the fact that your heart is broken. It doesn’t matter if you wish things could be different or if you even regret something you did. It doesn’t matter if you think you shouldn’t have become that involved with that person or if you’re angry and looking for revenge. The fact is: Your heart is broken! This relationship advice can help.


So now what? Are you going to sit and cry for the rest of your life or do you intend to do something? Was that ending your fault or are you not the one to blame? Is there something you can do to fix it? Is there something you should stop and think about so you can act in a better way the next time ’round? Is mending a broken heart even possible? Of course it is! Getting over a break up is possible. There are many things you can do to heal a broken heart! And the best thing is: It all depends on you! Here’s how to forget someone in 8 steps.

Step 1

Cry out everything you have to cry about! When we get hurt, it’s normal (and good) to cry. Don’t ever think you’re being weak for crying and don’t feel embarrassed because of it! It’s normal and it’s good! When you cry, you let go of part of your anger and hurt so you can feel less heavy. You can lock yourself in a room, if you want to, and put on some sad music…but let yourself feel the pain and cry so you can let it go. The main thing here is: Get rid of the pain! Just let her go!

Step 2

Get busy! When you’re trying to get someone out of your head, you need to put other things inside of it. In other words…get busy! It doesn’t matter how, you just need to get distracted. Go to a movie, watch a play, travel. It doesn’t matter what are you going to do–the important thing is to find something to do. Find a hobby, find something you enjoy doing, something to keep your mind busy. If your mind is busy, it doesn’t have time or space to think about the person you’re trying to forget.

Step 3

Spend some time with your friends. Friends are always great to have in this kind of situation! Friends can make you feel good about yourself and get you distracted very easily. They will certainly make you laugh and make you see that you’re way more important than you think! The only warning is: Ask them not to talk about the person you’re trying to forget. If they start bringing the topic up in every conversation, you won’t be able to forget, and instead of making you laugh, they’re going to make you cry. So be honest and ask them not to talk about it!

Step 4

Avoid the person! Try not to go to places you know you can meet that person. When you’re trying to forget someone and you two keep seeing each other, it can be even harder to get over it. If you meet him/her somewhere, be polite, but find an excuse to go away as fast as you can! If you work or study with him/her and you can’t avoid seeing him/her, just try not to look and not to talk too much. Just be gentle and keep busy all the time so you won’t have excuses to look at him/her or to chat.

Step 5

Go out and see some different faces! Being at home gives you more time to think about the relationship, which makes the process of working through the end of that relationship even more difficult. So even if you’re not feeling excited or you’re in a bad mood, just put on your best clothes, best shoes, best smile, call some friends and go somewhere nice where you can dance, drink, listen to some music. And the most important: See some different faces! When you go out, you notice that the person you’re trying to forget is not the only one who’s got a perfect smile and an amazing voice…thank god, there are other interesting people in the world!

Step 6

Avoid every kind of romantic thing! If you’re trying to forget someone, you’d better not watch romantic movies or listen to romantic songs…it makes you feel bad and you will certainly remember the person you’re trying to forget. It doesn’t matter if it’s a song you love or if it’s playing on the radio…just change the station or do something else. Put on some happy songs, dancing songs, watch some comedies, terror movies, whatever…you just need to avoid the romantic things for now!

Step 7

Take good care of yourself. Women tend to run for some kind of self-destruction when they’re hurt. If we break up our perfect relationship, then we have no reason to get our nails done anymore and the only thing that gives us comfort is chocolate and sugar. That way, the only thing we do is to become less attractive and lessen our self-confidence. So if you’re hurt, just try to use your pain for yourself instead of against you. Go to the gym, work out a lot, get your nails and hair done…do whatever you can so you can feel more pretty and confident!

Step 8

Accept the process! You can be really strong and it’s still going to hurt. The process takes time and you have to accept that. You can’t hope to forget in 2 days someone you loved for 2 years…and you can’t pretend to be strong if you feel like crying. Just face your pain and accept that it’s not easy and it’s going to take some time. When you’re patient with yourself and your situation, things tend to get easier… 

Of course, forgetting someone is not easy to do nor is it easily explained in just 8 steps. But there are some things that make the process a lot smoother. As I said, it takes time and it’s hard but I’m sure you can do it. The only thing that is really, really important is: It all depends on you! Don’t ever forget that. If you want to forget someone, then you will, there is no doubt! Even if it takes a long time, even if you have to be really strong…you will be! In that kind of situation we usually find out that we are a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for. So believe that — believe that, take a deep breath and move on! Your life’s waiting for you, baby! 

Don’t do what I did and dwell and relive the constant pain by contacting them and waiting for their response which will never be what you want to hear. If you read my stories you will see. It will only set you back. Whether or not you believe you are meant to be together this is you’re soul-mate ect. We have to face the fact that they do not feel the same way. When someone wants you nothing will keep them away. Nothing! It took me a long time to realize this along with a lot of tears and sleepless nights and unwarranted emails always wanting a reason why. It will never be the answer we seek. 

Choose happiness and believe you deserve it, learn from this and find a reason everyday to be happy and grateful for what we have now. Remember you are not alone.  I for one am here and can relate, see that’s one and there are many many more like me.

Soul Mates…past lives…and moving on

 I read 2 books this week about past lives and soul mate connections.  “Many Lives Many Masters & Only Love Is Real” by Brian Weiss .

Both are about past lives and how we immediately recognize our soul mates when we meet them. We have many soul connections. Parents, siblings, friends, children and lovers . We travel in the same soul groups and meet over and over throughout our journey, constantly learning new lessons from our soul connections.  It made me think about a lot of things.  My marriage for one and why I never felt that connection to my husband after 15 yrs even though I loved him. It was different. Or the way I loved my father we definitely had past lives together. I believe he was my dad before maybe my brother and in one life definitely my mother . I can’t wait to see you again daddy on the other side and in another life.  My parents true love soul mates and they will be together again this I know.

We meet different people everyday and sometimes we meet the ones that we feel like we have known our whole lives . We have that feeling immediately . These are our soul connections. We are kindred spirits and we will meet again over and over.

This brings me to the only time I ever felt what I call ” love at first sight”.  When I met my ex. The minuet I saw him it was like somebody snapped their fingers in my face and said wakeup.  I felt something I never felt before. The reason this is so odd for me is because for one, I never ever have been that drawn to anyone I just met and two, he felt it too he told me. And three, I would never go for someone like him he was way younger than me. But we fell in love even though we both fought it at first, me more than him. It had to happen. I believe this now.  For some reason there were lessons I or we needed to learn. We always felt a deep connection to each other and we knew it. But he was so young 14 years younger than me that I felt guilt sometimes. However, I never have been loved so deeply or loved someone so deeply. When it ended I was left devastated. But I think if we were the same age the devastation would have been lesser for me .  For some reason I was supposed to look younger to attract him, I think, and we were suppose to fall in love which we did. And we lived together 2 years and then broke up. The years we spent together and the year and half since we broke up have completely change me as a person changed the way I feel about love and life. I realize he made me love on a  level I never experienced . I don’t know if  it was the same for him because of the age difference but I hope it was. We took that picture the night we met with my phone. We would break up shortly after that for 2 weeks . When I go to his place to bring him some things he left at my house and say goodbye “it was a pleasure meeting and knowing you but you should date someone you’re own age”. I will never forget the way he grabbed me and hugged me and said “I can’t explain it I feel like I am making a mistake”. I did too, but I said no this is the right thing. Then when I left I started crying as soon as I got in my car, so unlike me I couldn’t explain it we only dated a month at that time. So not like me.  We ended up back together in 2 weeks because of him pursuing me. We lived together for 2 years.

Excerpt from the book: “Only Love is Real.”

Sometimes your soulmate is willing and available.

He or she might recognize the passion and the

chemistry between you, the intimate and subtle bonds

that imply connections over many lifetimes. Yet he or she

may be toxic for you. It is a matter of soul development.

}If one soul is less developed and more ignorant than

the other, traits of violence, greed, jealousy, hatred, and

fear might be brought into the relationship. These

tendencies are toxic to the more evolved soul, even if

from a soulmate. Frequently rescue fantasies arise with

the thought, I can change him; I can help her grow. If he

does not allow your help, if in her free will she chooses

not to learn, not to grow, the relationship is doomed.

Perhaps there will be another chance in another lifetime,

unless he awakens later in this one. Late awakenings do

happen.

Sometimes soulmates decide not to get married

while incarnated. They arrange to meet, to stay together

until the agreed upon task is completed, and then to

move on. Their agendas, their lesson plans for the

entirety of this life, are different, and they do not want to

or need to spend all of this lifetime together. This is not a

tragedy, only a matter of learning. You have eternal life

together, but sometimes you may need to take separate

classes.

A soulmate who is available but unawakened is a

tragic figure and can cause you great anguish.

Unawakened means that he or she does not see life

clearly, is not aware of the many levels of existence.

Unawakened means not knowing about souls. Usually it

is the everyday mind that prevents awakening.

}We hear the excuses of the mind all the time: I’m too

young; I need more experience; I’m not ready to settle

down yet; you are of a different religion (or race, region, social status, intellectual level, cultural background, and so on). These are all excuses, for souls possess none of these attributes.

The person may recognize the chemistry. The attraction is definitely there, but the source of the chemistry is not understood. It is delusional to believe that this passion, this soul recognition and attraction, will

be easily found again with another person. You do not run into such a soul mate every day, perhaps only one or two more in a lifetime. Divine grace may reward a good heart, a loving soul.Never worry about meeting soul mates. Such meetings are a matter of destiny. They will occur. After the meeting, the free will of both partners reigns. What decisions are made or not made are a matter of freewill, of choice. The less awakened will make decisions based on the mind and all of its fears and prejudices.Unfortunately, this often leads to heartache. The more awakened the couple is, the more the likelihood of a decision based on love. When both partners are awakened, ecstasy is within their grasp.

I write a lot about him and what he did to me in the end. Will we meet again?  I think so and maybe next time I will know instinctively or somehow just know not to get involved with him . However, I need to forgive in this life first and that I am coming to terms with little by little.

He brought out the best and the worst in me. He made me feel the deepest love I have ever felt and hate for the first time in my life.I am still trying to decide what lesson or lessons I was supposed to learn from him. He couldn’t let me go as much as I couldn’t let him go .  I loved and hated him at the same time. I hope I never see him again. It would be too painful. We only live 30mins apart. I don’t look for him or check his fb page because I don’t want to know . But I think this is for the best because I do not want to ever see him again. He did love me deeply, yes he did. He also hurt me deeply and lied and was deceitful. All bad things so could he really be a soul mate?  Why do we have great chemistry with one or maybe two relationships in our lifetimes and almost no real chemistry with most of them? Is this what soul mates mean?  It’s not about being the best looking he certainly was not the best looking guy I have ever been with or the richest. It’s a feeling I just can’t explain. As much as I was drawn to him. There was always a feeling that something was not right. I always blamed it on age, but I know now that wasn’t the only thing. It was what is inside of him something that was not true and real. Was he just an undeveloped soul like the book said ?  Were we both? Or was he just a very good actor who used me for his own advantage a sociopath. That is what  my head tells me. My heart wants to believe differently.

I hope there is another soul mate in this lifetime for me because this can’t be it,  he can’t be it for me. Is this karma from something I did in a past life. Or just a lesson I needed to learn? Only time will tell,but can you ever truly in your heart move on from a true soul mate?