A Definition of Forgiveness That We Can All Live With
Forgiveness. It’s such a hard thing to do, but it can be so liberating to the soul. What makes it difficult for most of us to do is the way we define it. We think of forgiveness as meaning that we should say all is forgotten and things will go back to what they were. This Biblical definition of forgiveness is very hard for most of us to swallow. How can you forget the unforgettable? How can you forgive the unforgivable? To enjoy the benefits of forgiveness, however, we needn’t go that far. All that’s really required is that we make the decision to move forward, to let go of the old hurts. We don’t have to condone what’s been done. What’s wrong is still wrong. We don’t have to invite the person back into our lives or even be friendly with them. What we do have to do is allow ourselves to release all the negative emotions associated with that person. As long as we hold onto the pain, we are choosing to allow that person’s past actions to continue to hurt us. We can also choose to stop letting them hurt us. That’s a definition of forgiveness that’s more doable for those of us who are less than saintly.
Here is an exercise you can do right now to let go of pain and begin to regain your life:
Make a list of those who have hurt you and how:
________________ hurt me by___________________________________________.
Now, go to a quiet place where you can be alone and think of each of these painful situations. Think of these in detail, allow yourself to feel the hurt. Then place yourself in the other person’s shoes. What do you think motivated them to behave the way they did? Were they abused themselves? Do they suffer from a mental illness? What fears and insecurities motivated their behavior? Now, think of how they are stealing your personal power. Does this make you angry? Do you want that to stop? Yes! Now, fill out this part of the exercise for each person on your list. Speak the words out loud as if you are speaking directly to them.
________________, I now understand why you behaved the way you did and I am sorry that you are so filled with pain that feel you must inflict it on others in order to regain your own power. I refuse, however, to let you hurt me anymore. I am choosing to let go of the pain you have caused me, for my own sake. I realize that letting go of this pain does not minimize or condone your bad behavior. It does, however, validate my own worth as a person and my right to finally be free of your abuse. I am choosing to take back my personal power so that I may heal. I now release all the hurtful emotions I feel regarding your behavior. I am now free to heal and move on. Only you will know when you have truly forgiven someone for the hurt and pain they have caused you. But this is something to think about.
“In life you’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words
at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should
judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.”
One thing I can say about me is when I do fall in love with someone I do so with every ounce of my being. I love whole heartedly. I have only been in love 3 times in my life. The 1st being high school. The 2nd my ex-husband of 12 years and the 3rd was the last man I loved he was younger than me we lived together for 2 years. With each love I noticed I loved more than the last . I don’t know if this is just a coincidence or if this is how love works. We learn more as we go along we give more of ourselves with each one emotionally and sexually . Maybe the last one was so intense because it was his 1st real relationship where he lived with a woman.
I thought he loved me so much, that we were so great together. We were inseparable . We played together and we did a lot of silly things with each other . We lived by the beach and would get cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory and go sit in the lifeguard chairs at night on the beach and eat and look at the stars. Light fireworks for no reason just to see the pretty colors. Florida is cool like that you can buy fireworks all year long. We would turn our bed into a tent. We filled a walk-in closet with glow in the dark stars and would use it as our fort. lol to hang out and be close to each other. I thought we had such a strong connection, great chemistry. We were so playful together. Every time he came into the room I had butterflies every time he touched me. I never loved anyone that much before. But none of that was real. It was all about him wanting, wanting me, a succesful older girl with a lot to offer. The way he loved me was overwhelming at times he was so intense so protective over me. I thought the jealousy was sweet sometimes. He became everything I wanted in a man ,so much that I would question if his feelings were true or an act. I think he did everything to please me so he could be part of my life and all that went along with it . However the universe knew how much I loved this man so it did what it does best. It tested the love and took away everything I had that was material. Funny thing happened, he told me he didn’t love me anymore and suddenly I was no longer “the one”. As quickly as he loved me was as quickly as he didn’t and I no longer existed to him. When I was about to need him the most he was gone.
I know all loves are different and that we learn lessons from each of them. The one thing I learned is you can’t bluff the universe .You can lie to yourself, but the universe will always make sure the truth is reveled. So do you love for butterflies because I do. Anything else is a waste of time.
So how do you love? Do you love for the right reasons?
Do you love for comfort?
Or are you like me, do you love for that feeling the butterflies?
I really feel so honored to be considered as an addictive blog! Thank you so much Tamara http://glitzgirlzglamourguide.com Your blog is truly addictive and really everything a girl loves; Food, Beauty, Fashion, and product reviews. I was addicted from day one!
Why did I start blogging? What started my journey? . Well here goes. I was on top of the world I had everything I wanted. Above all happiness. And then with the snap of a finger It was all gone. Welcome to life. I started blogging as a release. To help me process what had just happened to me. I discovered that we really are all one. We really are all connected in some way. I discovered that it doesn’t matter if you live in Afghanistan or California a broken heart hurts the same universally man or woman. I decided to start blogging more about building yourself up after someone has just tore you down. Also about finding happiness again after you were devastated, and about facing the truth and not being a doormat for any man. Too many girls I know keep chasing guys that show no interest in them at all, and it just drives me insane. I have a saying and I stand by it. “When someone is into you nothing will keep them away”! True dat!
This blog has given me the opportunity to not only share experiences with other people , but to also meet some amazing people and to be inspired by them to be a better person everyday. I really appreciate everyone that reads my blog thank you so much! I can’t even express how much it meant to me to have even one person understand what I was going through at the time. And the one thing that blows my mind is that my blog is being read in over 50 different countries around the world! So cool. 🙂
Thank the person awarding you Share a little about why you blog and how the journey started Paste the blog award on your page Nominate 10 other bloggers you feel deserve the award. I find the following blogs addictive:
PUA’s Who are they? Its more popular then you think……..
I am reposting this post that I wrote last year. I think more women need to be made aware of PUA’s and what it is about. While most women are looking for romance and love this society is really about promoting the opposite I believe. It’s more about the hook-up and more of a polyamorous lifestyle then about love and monogamy. I would love to hear from dating site bloggers and my PUA’s on this post.
Thank you so much for this from my fellow blogger http://howtoonlinedate.wordpress.com . I feel so honored that people actually appreciate my rants . I am known to curse a lot…sometimes though I am working on it. I started this blog to vent originally about dating in Miami because trust me its like nowhere else I have ever witnessed before.. Howtodateonline nails it. There are the lazy sunnava bitches, The Bad Boy/douche bag , Soulful “artists” who cry when it rains and the Gorgeous Golddiggers. You know, the ones that tell you everything you want to hear as long as you pay for shit. My personal fav! Also to raise awareness of the narcissist sociopath. This guy will use you for everything you have. Let you believe you are soul-mates and then leave you with nothing in the blink of an eye without a drop of empathy. Wish I had known the signs years ago. Like Carrie from SEX IN THE CITY . I am still searching for my
Mr Big Aidan. Welcome to SexinMiami baby, Miami the land of house music, hot clubs and the fake. Where everyone wants something for nothing . Thanks again Angie. 🙂 So without further ado.
I would like to nominate the following blogs.
http://mshaiq.wordpress.com I love what this chick stands for!
http://ummyeahah.wordpress.com this girl has gumption!
http://untilyouresafeandsound.wordpress.com love her honesty!
http://yourdailydoseblog.com music, photography, and she sings awesome!
http://thewiseoneoncesaid.com/ A very awesome advice blog from a therapist. God knows we all need one!
Here are the rules should you choose to accept:
1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog
2. Link back to the blogger who awarded you
3. Copy & Paste the award to your blog
4. Nominate 5 blogs that you enjoy to receive the award who have less than 200 followers
5. Inform them of their nomination by leaving a comment on their blog
Thank you all for following my rants and also helping me overcome my heart-break by sharing my story and the things that have helped me
become my old self again.It has been cathartic for me to say the least . Thank you guys 🙂