If you could summon your perfect love…..imagine

Young Sally Owens: Summoning up a true love spell called Amas Veritas. He can flip pancakes in the air. He’ll be marvelously kind. And his favorite shape will be a star. And he’ll have one green eye and one blue.
Young Gillian Owens: Thought you never wanted to fall in love.
Young Sally Owens: That’s the point. The guy I dreamed of doesn’t exist. And if he doesn’t exist, I’ll never die of a broken heart.
Practical Magic- 1998

If you could summon your perfect love what would you ask for ?

Somebody who I respect and admire asked me to write about my perfect love . Pretend we are little girls and summon your true love and all the qualities he will have. I feel a lot like Sally in Practical Magic. In the fact that the guy I want doesn’t exist then I can never have a broken heart again.  However if he did… he will be strong and sweet at the same time…He will sing love songs to me and protect me…He will cook like Emril Lagasse and dance like a B-boy..He will make me laugh everyday…He will be my best friend and always have my back…He will be book smart and street smart… he will love to lay under the stars with me @ the beach just to listen to the ocean at night…He would touch me in a way that would make me melt…He would look at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world and make me feel like that everyday…He will be tall and very handsome…Most importantly he would love me for me and never compare me to another…And just to make it fun he will have half green and half blue eyes… And finally he would never ever hurt me in any way…I guess what I am asking for is just real true L O V E

While most of this is a little girls fantasy, at the end of the day what matters is the person who respects you, stands by you and will make you soup when you feel sick and lay in bed with you until you feel better. A person who is true who is real and who you feel you can be yourself around. No games, no pretending, just a real MAN. And definitely no boys!

So I am sending this out to the universe. Lets see what our heart and mind can manifest from our soul.

…And nobody but Robin Thicke sings about what my perfect guy would be like…

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Don’t ever let yourself be used…..

“Sometimes we want someone so badly that even though we know they are using us we can’t let them go. I can’t explain why”

Do you know what it feels like to be happy and sad at the same time? To be so in love with someone and at the same time know that they are not true, but you are so in love with them and just can’t bring yourself to leave them. So you stay and let them pretend they love you . Then when you are alone you cry in silence. You go out with your friends and you smile on the outside or you may drink too much hoping to numb the truth for a little while, knowing that you are going home to a lie. And every time he tells you how much he loves you the pain just stops your heart because you know deep down it’s all a lie.

If only you could accept the truth it will set you free.

You go through the motions everyday pretending to be a happy couple and in love . Only you know all along its only a lie. You cry yourself to sleep every night pretending to be  happy, because you have nowhere to go so your waiting for them to show their true self all the while hoping it will never happen, that if you can just be perfect he will really love you. Be perfect in every way shape and form. He doesn’t realize that you can see through him so he goes on pretending. You see, you have something he needs or wants and when he doesn’t need it anymore he will be gone and never look at you again . Because the user doesnt need YOU  he needs what you have.  You can be gone tomorrow and he wouldn’t give two shits. Its not about you. It’s about what he needs from you what he is using you for. It could be money or a car or a roof over his head or sex. So please don’t ever let this happen to you. Be smart about who you give your heart to…and who you trust with it.

Listen to your in inner voice it is there for you when you are blinded

The user is typically extremely charming or good-looking . Even if you are hot too, remember it’s not about you, it’s about what they can get from you. Do not ever give into lust over your gut feelings. If you feel it isn’t real it is because it isn’t . When the red flags are there do not just ignore them, because in the end what you will go through will be much more painful than you being with someone just because you want them and they need your possessions. They do not WANT you, they just need what you can do for them and what you can give to them.

You will become so disgusted by the lie eventually you will be repulsed by their presence

Be strong, value yourself, know that you ARE beautiful and deserve a real true love. Someone who will love you no matter what you can do for them . If you gain a few pounds if you don’t feel like wearing makeup and if you want to wear sweats everyday and a pony-tail and he still thinks you are beautiful. That will take care of you when are sick and not leave your side until you are well again mentally or physically. That is real love. When your world comes crumbling down. The person who is by your side picking up the pieces with you is the one who loves you. The one who leaves and wipes the crumbled pieces from his feet as he walks out, that is the person who just used you.

This is the moment when you realize everything you have thought about was true! All the times you told yourself is it in my head? You were right about everything. It was all a lie.

Love and Anxiety…


A recent post from a friend and fellow blogger got me thinking about this topic. I remember when I started to feel anxiety in my last relationship. This was the 1st time I had opened up to someone completely and loved unconditionally. It was after the trust was broken with lies and deceit that I had my 1st panic attack. When the person that I put my trust and faith in betrayed me I felt scared and alone for the 1st time in my life, and it just got worse . My panic attacks continued for over a year after it ended.
I often wonder how will this affect me in my future relationships. Will I be able to trust again when I can’t even bring myself to date?
Until we bring awareness to our relationships, most of us live in love’s comfort zone — close enough to take the edge off loneliness, and distant enough to preserve our sense of being able to live without the other person. The tragedy is that many people who love each other are unable to express that love fully because they are unaware of how anxiety throttles and distorts their love. They feel, but not too deeply; they hold back, unable to make the final commitment. Yet those who protect themselves from the loss of love by blocking out love are already suffering from what they most dread. Forgoing love in the present out of anxiety about losing it in the future is a fool’s bargain.

At the extreme, unconscious anxiety can even turn love to hate. When one wants another and feels unworthy or unable to win their love, or fears being manipulated and hurt, anxiety can distort love into either hate or indifference. Hate is injured love, and it may be inflamed through anger into violence. Indifference is injured love retreating into numb withdrawal.

How can we respond to the anxiety that love provokes — to this deep dread of abandonment? The answer is not to love less, but to love more. Although the object of our love can be taken away, our ability to love can never be lost or taken from us. And if our ultimate love object includes the source of life itself, no one can ever take away the object of our love. The path to serenity is to love so much, so deeply and so unconditionally that we can never be without love. We can let the love of a spouse or a child or a parent expand far beyond our past self-imposed limits. We can let love become a reflex, a habit, an impulse that cannot be denied. Just as the answer to anxiety in general is not less anxiety, but greater and more meaningful anxiety, the answer to our anxiety about love is not less love but more love and greater love.

Anxiety is love’s limit, but not its enemy. Our anxiety guides us to the edge of our love. Our task is to keep changing anxiety into love — to have the courage to love passionately, universally and eternally. I believe if I keep practicing this and saying it over and over when I am ready the universe will grant me my best relationship ever.