If you could summon your perfect love…..imagine

Young Sally Owens: Summoning up a true love spell called Amas Veritas. He can flip pancakes in the air. He’ll be marvelously kind. And his favorite shape will be a star. And he’ll have one green eye and one blue.
Young Gillian Owens: Thought you never wanted to fall in love.
Young Sally Owens: That’s the point. The guy I dreamed of doesn’t exist. And if he doesn’t exist, I’ll never die of a broken heart.
Practical Magic- 1998

If you could summon your perfect love what would you ask for ?

Somebody who I respect and admire asked me to write about my perfect love . Pretend we are little girls and summon your true love and all the qualities he will have. I feel a lot like Sally in Practical Magic. In the fact that the guy I want doesn’t exist then I can never have a broken heart again.  However if he did… he will be strong and sweet at the same time…He will sing love songs to me and protect me…He will cook like Emril Lagasse and dance like a B-boy..He will make me laugh everyday…He will be my best friend and always have my back…He will be book smart and street smart… he will love to lay under the stars with me @ the beach just to listen to the ocean at night…He would touch me in a way that would make me melt…He would look at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world and make me feel like that everyday…He will be tall and very handsome…Most importantly he would love me for me and never compare me to another…And just to make it fun he will have half green and half blue eyes… And finally he would never ever hurt me in any way…I guess what I am asking for is just real true L O V E

While most of this is a little girls fantasy, at the end of the day what matters is the person who respects you, stands by you and will make you soup when you feel sick and lay in bed with you until you feel better. A person who is true who is real and who you feel you can be yourself around. No games, no pretending, just a real MAN. And definitely no boys!

So I am sending this out to the universe. Lets see what our heart and mind can manifest from our soul.

…And nobody but Robin Thicke sings about what my perfect guy would be like…

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Don’t ever let yourself be used…..

“Sometimes we want someone so badly that even though we know they are using us we can’t let them go. I can’t explain why”

Do you know what it feels like to be happy and sad at the same time? To be so in love with someone and at the same time know that they are not true, but you are so in love with them and just can’t bring yourself to leave them. So you stay and let them pretend they love you . Then when you are alone you cry in silence. You go out with your friends and you smile on the outside or you may drink too much hoping to numb the truth for a little while, knowing that you are going home to a lie. And every time he tells you how much he loves you the pain just stops your heart because you know deep down it’s all a lie.

If only you could accept the truth it will set you free.

You go through the motions everyday pretending to be a happy couple and in love . Only you know all along its only a lie. You cry yourself to sleep every night pretending to be  happy, because you have nowhere to go so your waiting for them to show their true self all the while hoping it will never happen, that if you can just be perfect he will really love you. Be perfect in every way shape and form. He doesn’t realize that you can see through him so he goes on pretending. You see, you have something he needs or wants and when he doesn’t need it anymore he will be gone and never look at you again . Because the user doesnt need YOU  he needs what you have.  You can be gone tomorrow and he wouldn’t give two shits. Its not about you. It’s about what he needs from you what he is using you for. It could be money or a car or a roof over his head or sex. So please don’t ever let this happen to you. Be smart about who you give your heart to…and who you trust with it.

Listen to your in inner voice it is there for you when you are blinded

The user is typically extremely charming or good-looking . Even if you are hot too, remember it’s not about you, it’s about what they can get from you. Do not ever give into lust over your gut feelings. If you feel it isn’t real it is because it isn’t . When the red flags are there do not just ignore them, because in the end what you will go through will be much more painful than you being with someone just because you want them and they need your possessions. They do not WANT you, they just need what you can do for them and what you can give to them.

You will become so disgusted by the lie eventually you will be repulsed by their presence

Be strong, value yourself, know that you ARE beautiful and deserve a real true love. Someone who will love you no matter what you can do for them . If you gain a few pounds if you don’t feel like wearing makeup and if you want to wear sweats everyday and a pony-tail and he still thinks you are beautiful. That will take care of you when are sick and not leave your side until you are well again mentally or physically. That is real love. When your world comes crumbling down. The person who is by your side picking up the pieces with you is the one who loves you. The one who leaves and wipes the crumbled pieces from his feet as he walks out, that is the person who just used you.

This is the moment when you realize everything you have thought about was true! All the times you told yourself is it in my head? You were right about everything. It was all a lie.

An Exercise in Forgivness…

A Definition of Forgiveness That We Can All Live With

Forgiveness. It’s such a hard thing to do, but it can be so liberating to the soul. What makes it difficult for most of us to do is the way we define it. We think of forgiveness as meaning that we should say all is forgotten and things will go back to what they were. This Biblical definition of forgiveness is very hard for most of us to swallow. How can you forget the unforgettable? How can you forgive the unforgivable? To enjoy the benefits of forgiveness, however, we needn’t go that far. All that’s really required is that we make the decision to move forward, to let go of the old hurts. We don’t have to condone what’s been done. What’s wrong is still wrong. We don’t have to invite the person back into our lives or even be friendly with them. What we do have to do is allow ourselves to release all the negative emotions associated with that person. As long as we hold onto the pain, we are choosing to allow that person’s past actions to continue to hurt us. We can also choose to stop letting them hurt us. That’s a definition of forgiveness that’s more doable for those of us who are less than saintly.

Here is an exercise you can do right now to let go of pain and begin to regain your life:

Make a list of those who have hurt you and how:

________________ hurt me by___________________________________________.

Now, go to a quiet place where you can be alone and think of each of these painful situations. Think of these in detail, allow yourself to feel the hurt. Then place yourself in the other person’s shoes. What do you think motivated them to behave the way they did? Were they abused themselves? Do they suffer from a mental illness? What fears and insecurities motivated their behavior? Now, think of how they are stealing your personal power. Does this make you angry? Do you want that to stop? Yes! Now, fill out this part of the exercise for each person on your list. Speak the words out loud as if you are speaking directly to them.

________________, I now understand why you behaved the way you did and I am sorry that you are so filled with pain that feel you must inflict it on others in order to regain your own power. I refuse, however, to let you hurt me anymore. I am choosing to let go of the pain you have caused me, for my own sake. I realize that letting go of this pain does not minimize or condone your bad behavior. It does, however, validate my own worth as a person and my right to finally be free of your abuse. I am choosing to take back my personal power so that I may heal. I now release all the hurtful emotions I feel regarding your behavior. I am now free to heal and move on. Only you will know when you have truly forgiven someone for the hurt and pain they have caused you. But this is something to think about.

How Do You Love?

“In life you’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words
at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should
judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.”
Nicholas Sparks

One thing I can say about me is when I do fall in love with someone I do so with every ounce of my being. I love whole heartedly. I have only been in love 3 times in my life. The 1st being high school. The 2nd my ex-husband of 12 years and the 3rd was the last man I loved he was younger than me we lived together for 2 years.  With each love I noticed I loved more than the last . I don’t know if this is just a coincidence or if this is how love works. We learn more as we go along we give more of ourselves with each one emotionally and sexually . Maybe the last one was so intense because it was his 1st real relationship where he lived with a woman.

I thought he loved me so much, that we were so great together. We were inseparable . We played together and we did a lot of silly things with each other . We lived by the beach and would get cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory and go sit in the lifeguard chairs at night on the beach and eat and look at the stars. Light fireworks for no reason just to see the pretty colors. Florida is cool like that you can buy fireworks all year long. We would turn our bed into a tent. We filled a walk-in closet with glow in the dark stars and would use it as our fort. lol to hang out and be close to each other. I thought we had such a strong connection, great chemistry. We were so playful together. Every time he came into the room I had butterflies every time he touched me. I never loved anyone that much before.  But none of that was real. It was all about him wanting, wanting me, a succesful older girl with a lot to offer. The way he loved me was overwhelming at times he was so intense so protective over me. I thought the jealousy was sweet sometimes. He became everything I wanted in a man ,so much that I would question if his feelings were true or an act. I think he did everything to please me so he could be part of my life and all that went along with it . However the universe knew how much I loved this man so it did what it does best. It tested the love and took away everything I had that was material. Funny thing happened, he told me he didn’t love me anymore and suddenly I was no longer “the one”. As quickly as he loved me was as quickly as he didn’t and I no longer existed to him. When I was about to need him the most he was gone.

I know all loves are different and that we learn lessons from each of them. The one thing I learned is you can’t bluff the universe .You can lie to yourself, but the universe will always make sure the truth is reveled.  So do you love for butterflies because I do.  Anything else is a waste of time.

So how do you love? Do you love for the right reasons?

Do you love for comfort?

Security?

For looks?

For money?

Or are you like me, do you love for that feeling the butterflies?

WOW! Another Blog Award!! The Addictive Blog award..

I really feel so honored to be considered as an addictive blog! Thank you so much Tamara http://glitzgirlzglamourguide.com Your blog is truly addictive and really everything a girl loves; Food, Beauty, Fashion, and product reviews.  I was addicted from day one!

Why did I start blogging? What started my journey? . Well here goes. I was on top of the world I had everything I wanted. Above all happiness. And then with the snap of a finger It was all gone. Welcome to life. I started blogging as a release. To help me process what had just happened to me. I discovered that we really are all one. We really are all connected in some way. I discovered that it doesn’t matter if you live in Afghanistan or California a broken heart hurts the same universally man or woman. I decided to start blogging more about building yourself up after someone has just tore you down. Also about finding happiness again after you were devastated, and about facing the truth and not being a doormat for any man. Too many girls I know keep chasing guys that show no interest in them at all, and it just drives me insane. I have a saying and I stand by it. “When someone is into you nothing will keep them away”! True dat!

This blog has given me the opportunity to not only share experiences with other people , but to also meet some amazing people and to  be inspired by them to be a better person everyday.  I really appreciate everyone that reads my blog thank you so much! I can’t even express how much it meant to me to have even one person understand what I was going through at the time. And the one thing that blows my mind is that my blog is being read in over 50 different countries around the world! So cool. 🙂

Award Rules:

Thank the person awarding you Share a little about why you blog and how the journey started Paste the blog award on your page Nominate 10 other bloggers you feel deserve the award. I find the following blogs addictive:

http://www.paulareneereeves.com/

http://2yearsofhealing.wordpress.com/

http://thefrontwindow.wordpress.com/

http://rainbowpaths.wordpress.com/

http://restaurantbastards.wordpress.com/

http://untilyouresafeandsound.wordpress.com/

http://curlymiri.wordpress.com/

http://justsimplyinlove.wordpress.com

http://whetyourwoman.com/

http://thewiseoneoncesaid.com/

My 1st Blog Award. Thank you!!

Thank you so much for this from my fellow blogger http://howtoonlinedate.wordpress.com . I feel so honored that people actually appreciate my rants . I am known to curse a lot…sometimes though I am working on it. I started this blog to vent originally about dating in Miami because trust me its like nowhere else I have ever witnessed before.. Howtodateonline nails it. There are the lazy sunnava bitches, The Bad Boy/douche bag , Soulful “artists” who cry when it rains and the Gorgeous Golddiggers. You know, the ones that tell you everything you want to hear as long as you pay for shit. My personal fav! Also to raise awareness of the narcissist sociopath. This guy will use you for everything you have. Let you believe you are soul-mates and then leave you with nothing in the blink of an eye without a drop of empathy. Wish I had known the signs years ago.  Like Carrie from SEX IN THE CITY . I am still searching for my Mr Big  Aidan. Welcome to SexinMiami baby, Miami the land of house music, hot clubs and the fake. Where everyone wants something for nothing . Thanks again Angie. 🙂 So without further ado.

I would like to nominate the following blogs.

http://mshaiq.wordpress.com I love what this chick stands for!

http://ummyeahah.wordpress.com this girl has gumption!

http://untilyouresafeandsound.wordpress.com love her honesty!

http://yourdailydoseblog.com music, photography, and she sings awesome!

http://thewiseoneoncesaid.com/ A very awesome advice blog from a therapist. God knows we all need one!

Here are the rules should you choose to accept:

1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog

2. Link back to the blogger who awarded you

3. Copy & Paste the award to your blog

4. Nominate 5 blogs that you enjoy to receive the award who have less than 200 followers

5. Inform them of their nomination by leaving a comment on their blog

Thank you all for following my rants and also helping me overcome my heart-break by sharing my story and the things that have helped me

become my old self again.It has been cathartic for me to say the least . Thank you guys 🙂

How do you completely get over someone you love when they never TRULY loved you….

  • First realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. If someone is not interested in you it is in your best interest to find someone who does love and adore you for who you are. Know that you are worth it, and there are plenty of people who will love you. Never settle for someone who is not treating you and respecting you the way you deserve.
  • Ask yourself what might be in his head or his heart; it takes two people to be in a relationship and even though you feel the way that you do, maybe it was meant to be this way. Save your love for someone who feels the same way about you!
  • In my case, I know I deserve better. I tell myself “He isn’t worth my love, he’s a liar and a sociopath and lying is all he knows how to do so I guess that’s that.”
  • It’s not about getting over a person, it’s about feeling good about yourself. It’s about knowing that you are the most important and you need to be happy. If this other person doesn’t feel the same way, it doesn’t really matter.
  • Tough circumstance – being in love with someone who does not feel the same way as you do. It’s not a problem – you can fix those, this is almost like “it’s raining outside” – just have to deal. Objective advice: If someone doesn’t feel the same way as you do – walk off. Don’t even give them the privilege of friendship because you’ll suck yourself back into the delusion. Do things for yourself, keep busy, bury yourself in work and keep searching for what you really want and need. Don’t do what I have done..
  • It is strange when you are hurting from rejection, to hear someone say move on things will be fine. No matter how much you love him, he never loves you back. For all those wondering what went wrong Just stop wondering say it really loud “HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU”. Only when one stops chasing and pursing someone who doesn’t love you, will you open the door to that perfect person who will love you back with the same intensity that you will love him.
  • If you believe in destiny then you have know that things happen when they are meant to be. People part for reasons beyond human comprehension but the reality remains if you are meant to love each other and be with each other, it will happen. That’s the power of destiny. Love always wins. Love is important and only it counts.
  • The older I get, the more I believe that some people are full of the capacity to love – like me – and others are incapable of it in the romantic sense, for whatever reason. Fear of commitment. A distorted view of freedom. The desire to stay young forever? A deep unwillingness to give themselves over to another (aka, selfish)? It is an absolute rock and a hard place. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is the most impossible situation imaginable, especially when the love is so strong you are a slave to it.
  • I went through this . For those of you whose situation is similar, this is what I suggest: Deal with reality. Stop hoping, dreaming, etc. Pray and tell God that you forgive them for not being able to love you. Ask God to take this from you – and He will. Then continue to deal with reality. Don’t tell yourself, maybe someday… they’ll change… True love accepts the person for who they are, even when they are evil and they don’t love you. It means accepting reality. When you love and accept reality at the same time, you are forced to move on. When you deal with reality and move on without love, you take bitterness with you. When you love without dealing with reality, you hurt yourself. Love the other person, Accept the reality and pray to God for the wisdom and strength you’ll need to do that continuously until it ceases to become a problem.
  • Try not to be in contact, its almost like an addiction. You think that one little text will do no harm but the pain when he doesn’t reply will just make things worse. That would be my advice.
  • There is one more thing I can recommend. There are times when you feel very weak and feel you need to talk to that other person even though they may have just hurt you again, you don’t know why you want to talk to them, you just do. I’ve been able to get by these weak moments by writing down exactly what I’m feeling at the time, it comes out in a jumble of feelings and thoughts, some not so pleasant, but in the end it actually helps and I don’t feel to call the person anymore. For everyone out there, keep strong and keep your head up, there are better days ahead.
  • Tough one. If we know for a fact there is no hope for a mutual love, then why torture yourself. Move on. Treat it like a divorce. FORCE yourself to live and keep meeting people. You owe it to yourself to be available for when the right person does come along. Love is like a bus stop, there’s always going to be another opportunity for the bus to stop again — if we are ready for it at the bus stop. Sometimes we don’t ever think we could possibly find someone better than that one we are in love with that doesn’t return the love back, but that’s not true. We just won’t be ready to find it if we are pining for a love that is not healthy or returned. We owe it to ourselves to always know we deserve what’s best and healthy.
  • We all have had heartaches that hurt bad and SUCK! A broken heart is never fun. Life goes on. We have to as well. We owe it to ourselves to know we simply go on. We will meet another person but we shouldn’t while we are hurting. We’ll often end up not being as clear headed. We want someone to love us and to feel wanted, but that’s a potential for another mess. Or, you could end up hurting someone they way you were hurt. When your heart is mended, you’ll know. Every single day we get just a tiny bit better. Ok, maybe not every day, but if we can just make it from one day to the next and keep doing it, pretty soon we will feel better, if only a little, but that’s a start to total healing.
  • You accept yourself as you are, love yourself for who you are, forgive yourself for decisions and actions that have brought you pain, never settle for anything less then what you desire and deserve. Love is all about timing, make yourself the best person you can be both mentally and physically and do it for yourself no man. Once you do that, you will no longer waste your time on men who do not see you for who you are. You will see yourself as a beautiful women that has so much to offer the right man. But to be able to get over lost love you have to be able to forgive yourself, whether it was your fault or not for the break up. You also must make a conscious effort to get him out of your life. Keeping him as a friend will bring only more pain, this is from experience.
  • Let him go, delete his name off your cell phone off your email, put the pictures away. It is your choice to be miserable about the situation, which for the first few months everyone chooses to be sad. I chose to be sad for over a year when the man I loved told me he no longer loved me. But you can also make the choice to be happy, but only you can do that. You have one life why sit there and waste it on a man who can’t see all facets of your beauty. You have one life to be happy, love yourself, forgive yourself and you will see that love will radiate and men will be attracted to that. Good men will be attracted to your positive self worth. And that positive self worth gets rid of all the baggage from past relationships that ruin current ones. But this is a choice, a conscious choice to leave the past and be happy and only you can make it. Know it wont be easy, but in the end you will have the love you have always desired.
    http://youtu.be/Nx1ykBc3XUQ