Might as will face it you’re addicted to love

It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” – Rose Kennedy

As I am still coming to terms with losing who I thought was the love of my life. Key word here ” THOUGHT”

I decide to do a comparison on healthy love VS. addictive love.  These are some valid observations. Needless to say all the points listed below for addictive love pretty much describe most of my last relationship. 

1.         Healthy Love develops after we feel secure.

            Addictive Love tries to create love even though we feel frightened and insecure.

 2.         Healthy Love comes from feeling full.  We overflow with love.

            Addictive Love is always trying to fill an inner void. 

3.         Healthy Love begins with self love.

            Addictive Love always seeks love “out there” from that “special someone.” 

4.         Healthy Love comes to us once we’ve given up the search.

            Addictive Love is compulsively sought after. 

5.         Healthy Love comes from inside.  It wants to give.

            Addictive Love comes from outside.  It wants to take. 

6.         Healthy Love grows slowly, like a tree. 

Addictive Love grows fast, as if by magic, like those children’s animals that expand instantly when we add water. 

7.         Healthy Love thrives on time alone as well as time with our partner.

            Addictive Love is frightened of being alone and afraid of being close. 

8.         Healthy Love is unique.  There is no “ideal lover” that we seek.

            Addictive Love is stereotyped.  There is always a certain type that attracts us. 

9.         Healthy Love is gentle and comfortable.

            Addictive Love is tense and combative. 

10.       Healthy Love is based on a deep knowing of ourselves and our lover.

            Addictive Love is based on hiding from ourselves and falling in love with an ideal “image” not a person.

11.       Healthy Love encourages us to be ourselves, to be honest from the beginning with who we are, including our faults.

            Addictive Love encourages secrets.  We want to look good and put on an attractive mask. 

12.       Healthy Love flows out.

            Addictive Love caves in. 

13.       Healthy Love creates a deeper sense of ourselves the longer we are together.

            Addictive Love creates a loss of self the longer we are together. 

14.       Healthy Love gets easier as time goes on.

            Addictive Love requires more effort as time goes on. 

15.       Healthy Love is like rowing across a gentle lake.

            Addictive Love is like being swept away down a raging river. 

16.       Healthy Love grows stronger as fear decreases.

            Addictive Love expands as fear increases. 

17.       Healthy Love is satisfied with what we have.

            Addictive Love is always looking for more or better. 

18.       Healthy Love encourages interests to expand in the world.

            Addictive Love encourages outside interests to contract. 

19.       Healthy Love is based on the belief that we want to be together.

            Addictive Love ;p- on the belief that we have to be together. 

20.       Healthy Love teaches that we can only make ourselves happy.

            Addictive Love expects the other person to make us happy and demands that we try to make them happy. 

21.       Healthy Love creates life.

            Addictive Love creates melodramas.

So lets start looking for healthy happy relationships instead of these twisted melodramas. Though yes it can be like a drug in the beginning, I think we all know how those stories end.  Yes, with us in love rehab.  I have been clean almost 2 years now. How about you?

Advertisements

Soul Mates…past lives…and moving on

 I read 2 books this week about past lives and soul mate connections.  “Many Lives Many Masters & Only Love Is Real” by Brian Weiss .

Both are about past lives and how we immediately recognize our soul mates when we meet them. We have many soul connections. Parents, siblings, friends, children and lovers . We travel in the same soul groups and meet over and over throughout our journey, constantly learning new lessons from our soul connections.  It made me think about a lot of things.  My marriage for one and why I never felt that connection to my husband after 15 yrs even though I loved him. It was different. Or the way I loved my father we definitely had past lives together. I believe he was my dad before maybe my brother and in one life definitely my mother . I can’t wait to see you again daddy on the other side and in another life.  My parents true love soul mates and they will be together again this I know.

We meet different people everyday and sometimes we meet the ones that we feel like we have known our whole lives . We have that feeling immediately . These are our soul connections. We are kindred spirits and we will meet again over and over.

This brings me to the only time I ever felt what I call ” love at first sight”.  When I met my ex. The minuet I saw him it was like somebody snapped their fingers in my face and said wakeup.  I felt something I never felt before. The reason this is so odd for me is because for one, I never ever have been that drawn to anyone I just met and two, he felt it too he told me. And three, I would never go for someone like him he was way younger than me. But we fell in love even though we both fought it at first, me more than him. It had to happen. I believe this now.  For some reason there were lessons I or we needed to learn. We always felt a deep connection to each other and we knew it. But he was so young 14 years younger than me that I felt guilt sometimes. However, I never have been loved so deeply or loved someone so deeply. When it ended I was left devastated. But I think if we were the same age the devastation would have been lesser for me .  For some reason I was supposed to look younger to attract him, I think, and we were suppose to fall in love which we did. And we lived together 2 years and then broke up. The years we spent together and the year and half since we broke up have completely change me as a person changed the way I feel about love and life. I realize he made me love on a  level I never experienced . I don’t know if  it was the same for him because of the age difference but I hope it was. We took that picture the night we met with my phone. We would break up shortly after that for 2 weeks . When I go to his place to bring him some things he left at my house and say goodbye “it was a pleasure meeting and knowing you but you should date someone you’re own age”. I will never forget the way he grabbed me and hugged me and said “I can’t explain it I feel like I am making a mistake”. I did too, but I said no this is the right thing. Then when I left I started crying as soon as I got in my car, so unlike me I couldn’t explain it we only dated a month at that time. So not like me.  We ended up back together in 2 weeks because of him pursuing me. We lived together for 2 years.

Excerpt from the book: “Only Love is Real.”

Sometimes your soulmate is willing and available.

He or she might recognize the passion and the

chemistry between you, the intimate and subtle bonds

that imply connections over many lifetimes. Yet he or she

may be toxic for you. It is a matter of soul development.

}If one soul is less developed and more ignorant than

the other, traits of violence, greed, jealousy, hatred, and

fear might be brought into the relationship. These

tendencies are toxic to the more evolved soul, even if

from a soulmate. Frequently rescue fantasies arise with

the thought, I can change him; I can help her grow. If he

does not allow your help, if in her free will she chooses

not to learn, not to grow, the relationship is doomed.

Perhaps there will be another chance in another lifetime,

unless he awakens later in this one. Late awakenings do

happen.

Sometimes soulmates decide not to get married

while incarnated. They arrange to meet, to stay together

until the agreed upon task is completed, and then to

move on. Their agendas, their lesson plans for the

entirety of this life, are different, and they do not want to

or need to spend all of this lifetime together. This is not a

tragedy, only a matter of learning. You have eternal life

together, but sometimes you may need to take separate

classes.

A soulmate who is available but unawakened is a

tragic figure and can cause you great anguish.

Unawakened means that he or she does not see life

clearly, is not aware of the many levels of existence.

Unawakened means not knowing about souls. Usually it

is the everyday mind that prevents awakening.

}We hear the excuses of the mind all the time: I’m too

young; I need more experience; I’m not ready to settle

down yet; you are of a different religion (or race, region, social status, intellectual level, cultural background, and so on). These are all excuses, for souls possess none of these attributes.

The person may recognize the chemistry. The attraction is definitely there, but the source of the chemistry is not understood. It is delusional to believe that this passion, this soul recognition and attraction, will

be easily found again with another person. You do not run into such a soul mate every day, perhaps only one or two more in a lifetime. Divine grace may reward a good heart, a loving soul.Never worry about meeting soul mates. Such meetings are a matter of destiny. They will occur. After the meeting, the free will of both partners reigns. What decisions are made or not made are a matter of freewill, of choice. The less awakened will make decisions based on the mind and all of its fears and prejudices.Unfortunately, this often leads to heartache. The more awakened the couple is, the more the likelihood of a decision based on love. When both partners are awakened, ecstasy is within their grasp.

I write a lot about him and what he did to me in the end. Will we meet again?  I think so and maybe next time I will know instinctively or somehow just know not to get involved with him . However, I need to forgive in this life first and that I am coming to terms with little by little.

He brought out the best and the worst in me. He made me feel the deepest love I have ever felt and hate for the first time in my life.I am still trying to decide what lesson or lessons I was supposed to learn from him. He couldn’t let me go as much as I couldn’t let him go .  I loved and hated him at the same time. I hope I never see him again. It would be too painful. We only live 30mins apart. I don’t look for him or check his fb page because I don’t want to know . But I think this is for the best because I do not want to ever see him again. He did love me deeply, yes he did. He also hurt me deeply and lied and was deceitful. All bad things so could he really be a soul mate?  Why do we have great chemistry with one or maybe two relationships in our lifetimes and almost no real chemistry with most of them? Is this what soul mates mean?  It’s not about being the best looking he certainly was not the best looking guy I have ever been with or the richest. It’s a feeling I just can’t explain. As much as I was drawn to him. There was always a feeling that something was not right. I always blamed it on age, but I know now that wasn’t the only thing. It was what is inside of him something that was not true and real. Was he just an undeveloped soul like the book said ?  Were we both? Or was he just a very good actor who used me for his own advantage a sociopath. That is what  my head tells me. My heart wants to believe differently.

I hope there is another soul mate in this lifetime for me because this can’t be it,  he can’t be it for me. Is this karma from something I did in a past life. Or just a lesson I needed to learn? Only time will tell,but can you ever truly in your heart move on from a true soul mate?

Are You In Love With a Sociopath?

Are You In Love With a Sociopath?

Sociopaths are all around us. When we hear that term, people like Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, and Bernie Madoff come to mind, but reality is that most of us will encounter someone who is a sociopath during our lives. Some of us will get sucked into a relationship that is very hard to get out of and is very dangerous; others of us will escape unharmed, but potentially have interesting stories to tell about the insane things the sociopath talked us into doing.

At first, your partner may have seemed too good to be true. Sociopaths are fabulous at making people feel special, oozing charm, wit, humor, and (what appears to be) affection. Once they have reeled you in, though, some of the more noticeable features that will surface are manipulation, grandiosity, lack of emotions (including the ability to love), pathological lying, lack of remorse, and the need for stimulation. Sociopathic characteristics start before the age of 15, and does not seem to be influenced by upbringing, so if your partner is indeed a sociopath, chances are there is a history of these behaviors long before you came into the picture.

You are likely not their only partner, either.

Sociopaths (who would qualify for the diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder, if they were to land in a mental health clinician’s office, but likely won’t unless forced to) see relationships as games. To them, romantic partners are people who will buy into their lies, and they are enthralled with the “chase” of trying to get a partner to fall in love with them. Sociopaths know just the right words to say, just the right moves to make, and just how to dupe you so that they walk away the winner, and you have lost everything (sometimes literally). By the time you figure it out, they have their new victim in their next partner.

Signs you might be in a relationship with a sociopath:

  • Your partner lies more often than they tell the truth.
  • Your partner has no friends, but also has ready excuses for why that is.
  • Your partner can’t hang on to a job (and also has ready excuses for why that is.)
  • Your partner shows no remorse when they do something wrong, whether it is to you or others.
  • Your partner blames others for things that were clearly their own fault.
  • Your partner is constantly seeking that “next thrill” through drugs, alcohol, risky behaviors, sexual promiscuity, etc.
  • Your partner has a long list of past relationships, and somehow, they all ended because it was the other person’s fault.

If you think you are in a relationship with a sociopath, here are some tips for ending the relationship:

  • Recognize there is nothing you can do to change your partner. Even mental health practitioners don’t have the cure for sociopathy.
  • Enlist help from family and friends, and cut off all contact with your partner. That means leaving your home, changing your phone number, not emailing/texting/Facebooking, etc., and basically pretending that you have fallen off the face of the earth until they lose interest and move on. Easy? No. Worth it? Yes. (More about this piece of advice here.)
  • Get help yourself from a mental health professional. There’s a reason you fell into a relationship like this, and therapy will help you figure it out so it doesn’t happen again.

Resources

The Sociopathic Style: Information on sociopaths, psychopaths, and their victims

This recent blog post on PJ Media has an interesting perspective on sociopaths, and describes why they are both so enticing and so destructive.

Profile of the Sociopath also has information about the characteristics of sociopaths.

Love advice I would give to my own daughter!

“A man will treat you the way you allow him too. ” my favorite saying.

Why men love bitches” (from doormat to dream-girl) by Shery Argov.

 It’s not about being a bitch per sei, but to be aware of male behavior,

being assertive, protect yourself, not be gullible and never let
men take advantage of you, jump through hoops, or overcompensate, because of insecurity, or low self-esteem. You see, being needy, or desperate is a turn-off for men and they can smell it on
you. The minute a guy can tell that he’s got you, he tends to lose interest.
The bitch is smart & keeps him on his toes. She’s unpredictable
and plays by her own rules. She doesn’t sacrifices her life, her
hobbies, friends and interests. She stays true to who she is, with
or without a man. She doesn’t need a man to be happy.
Men love women who are independent , with her interests, her
own life, which puts less pressure on him.
The difference between a bitch & a doormat, is that the bitch does
not put up with bad behavior & demands respect, with her actions,
while the doormat bends over backwards to accommodate a man.
The result is that he will take her for granted.
For example:
If the bitch is with a guy who is in a bad mood, or he misbehaves…
then she will cut the date short, with a polite excuse as “let’s call
it a night” to teach him she won’t tolerate anything less than a
good time. The doormat however, will do anything to cheer him
up and will  jump through hoops to do so. If he asks her to drive
to his place, bring him things, cook for him, she will comply.
If a date is late, the doormat will wait, while the bitch leaves after
20 minutes. Her time is valuable and she’s got a life.
The doormat is always available & accepts last-minute dates, while
the bitch waits for no one and  is often too busy with her own life,
which makes her a challenge and something to be conquered.
When it comes to sex… the doormat is an easy lay, since she’s
so desperate to have a man & doesn’t trust that she can hold his
interest. The bitch is confidant, knowing she has plenty to offer
outside of the boudoir. She lets him wait, which makes her more
alluring and less predictable.
Who do you think a man will respect more?
Women must learn not to reward a man for bad behavior.
Don’t do things he can do for himself like laundry, or cleaning
Don’t pay for a man ( his rent, clothes, bills, etc. )
Don’t be gullible and believe everything he says.
Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve
Don’t be”too available”
Don’t drop your plans, or friends, when a guy calls
Don’t have sex “too soon” ( 3-5 dates )
Don’t drive to his place to pick him up for a date
Don’t accept “last-minute” dates
Don’t tolerate bad behavior
Don’t chase a man
Do’s:
Be your own person
Listen and look out for red flags
Keep your friends and interests
Be slightly unpredictable
Keep busy with your own life
Be assertive about what you want ( or don’t want )
Stay just outside of his reach, so he won’t take you for granted
Be wary of the guy who talks too much, makes promises right
off the bat and speaks about the future. Major red flag!
The ideal date ( = mate ) both speaks and listens equally. He is
focused on you and asks questions about you, showing interest
in who you are.
Pay close attention to “his pattern” of conduct. Is he consistent
( calles every 2-3 days? ) or does he “blow hot and cold” ( coming
on strong & then pulling back and disappearing for a week or more?)
Watch his body language when you ask him questions. Does he
answer spontaneously, look you in the eye, or is he evasive, stalls
and fidgets? Make sure to ask important questions in person to be 
able to observe him and his reaction.
Et voila ladies. Be smart with your heart and think long-term
gratification. Easy come, easy go! Respect is earned, not given,
so learn to take it slow, with a new man and judge by the way he
treats you and the people around you, not his words, or promises.
And the saying is true, if he is into you nothing will keep him away. Trust.

How falling in love with a narcissist has changed me forever.

Breaking up with a histrionic or narcissist? Be prepared for the battle of your life! While you are an emotional basket case, he is as Cold as Ice! While you are left holding down the fort and dealing with the real-life responsibilities, he walks away from everything leaving you to mop off his stage and pay his bills. He will punish you in ways you couldn’t possibly have ever imagined… …. and not even acknowledge it to himself! Why? Because he’s off charming the socks off of new women as if your years together didn’t even exist! And to him they didn’t! The narcissist has a ‘counterfeit heart’!

Narcissists tend to make very good first impressions on others. They are excellent actors and can fool almost anybody, even trained individuals. However, they have counterfeit hearts. Underneath their brilliant exterior lies a man that is self-centered and self-focused, dishonest, irresponsible, disloyal, and lacking emotions, remorse, and a conscience. These men live with a false sense of grandiosity and specialness and are easily found to be arrogant and deceitful. Underneath their fake exterior is an empty fraud who seemingly is lacking a human soul.

“Women know how to fake orgasm. Men know how to fake an entire relationship.” ~ Sharon Stone

Of course, you will never see this in the beginning of the relationship with a narcissistic man. Many women do not see any of these awful qualities until the relationship gets serious because both the narcissist and his prey tend to idolize people in the beginning of relationships.

And being idolized feels good – so good that we often willingly overlook the red flags.

Unfortunately, the narcissist is sociopathic in that they often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others (did you notice that [according to him] ALL his ‘exes’ were ‘psycho bitches’? THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MAJOR RED FLAGS WAVING IN YOUR FACE FROM EVERYWHERE ON THAT ONE – BUT IT PROBABLY DIDN’T REALLY HIT YOU UNTIL ‘YOUR’ RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM WAS OVER!!). (More on this later…)

See, narcissistic men haven’t the ability to see their own negative actions or the detrimental roles they play in their relationships with others. The narcissist is a deceptive man and the most common form of his deception is his own self-deception. He truly believes he is perfectly innocent of having committed any wrongdoing – ever.

He holds himself completely blameless for any part in the breakdown of your relationship (or ANY of his past relationships). Don’t hold your breath waiting for an apology from this man, or even an admittance on his part of being partially to blame – for anything. He believes he has done nothing wrong, as he is just so wonderful! (At least, in his own mind.)

The narcissist doesn’t care about your problems or your feelings. He has absolutely no regard or respect for anyone’s feelings; he is completely without empathy and is never above taking advantage of others for his own personal gain. He is constantly hungry for praise and he will go on a feeding frenzy for the adoration and admiration he desperately seeks with every individual he comes in contact with. He is a legend in his own mind, and deeply living in a fantasy world built on his own imagined self-importance.

“The narcissist can neither give nor receive love. He cannot empathize with the pain and suffering of others. Although he is often incredibly charming and draws many people into his ‘enchanted circle’, the narcissist is incapable of true intimacy. At the core of his life experience, the narcissist has emotionally and often financially harmed so many. He has treated others with cruelty, ruthlessness and indifference too many times. Ultimately, in the depth of his unconscious, he knows he is an empty fraud” ~Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D.

Nothing can be more painful than breaking up with a histrionic narcissistic man. He will not take it kindly – not because he will grieve the loss of you (you mean nothingto this man) but simply because you will have embarrassed him. And damaging his ego is a totally unforgivable sin to the narcissist! I’m afraid you’re about to become his next victim, so be aware of his soon-to-come character assassin of you, your family, your friends, and even your children. (Narcissistic men [they all hold an actor’s award] will say just about anything about another in order to protect their perfect ‘image’.)

Whether or not this has happened to you, it is still a very painful realization when you come to discover that you meant absolutely nothing to someone you loved very much. The realization that this man never loved you(don’t delude yourself) hurts beyond compare. It is hard to understand that a histrionic narcissist loves only himself, and, if anything, considered you more a ‘love-rival’ than a ‘lover’.

He was with you for the ‘benefits’. His benefits could have been something as simple as getting his needy ego stroked, or being taken care of financially, or maybe it was something more, like status or opportunity – but whatever his benefits, being loved by you or being in an intimate relationship with you was not one of them. What I mean to say is ‘love’ and ‘relationship’ are not considered benefits to him!

You will find that you have changed during the course of the relationship with a narcissist. You will walk away completely far removed from the beautiful woman you were when you entered it. You may have gone from soft, sweet and feminine to hardened and bitter. From trusting, open and receptive to suspicious and untrusting. From self-assured and confident to being full of self-doubt and insecurities. It will take some hard work on your part to let this damaged part of you go and find your old self again.

A NARCISSIST HAS A CALLOUS DISREGARD – FOR YOU

For most of us breaking up with a narcissist can leave us feeling confused, devastated, and untrusting of all men in the future.

Usually, when a relationship ends both parties grieve some, both parties have regrets and both parties have done things that they feel remorseful for.

But not a narcissist! He walks away from you with a cold, callous disregard. He feels nothing.

A narcissist will avoid looking at you – even if you are sitting right in front of him. This is his way of ‘dismissing’ and ‘devaluing’ you. All narcissists do this and, of course, there is nothing about these actions that are normal, but your mind can’t conceive this and so it tries to understand. However, there is no making sense of the ‘senseless’.

A narcissist can turn from loving you to discarding you almost abruptly as it took for him to ‘idolize’ you after his first meeting you. Uh, what was that? About one date would you say?

“Abuse is an integral, inseparable part of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The narcissist idealizes and then DEVALUES and discards the object of his initial idealization. This abrupt, heartless devaluation IS abuse. ALL narcissists idealize and then devalue. This is THE core of pathological narcissism. The narcissist exploits, lies, insults, demeans, ignores (the “silent treatment”), manipulates, controls. All these are forms of abuse. ” ~ by Sam Vaknin, Ph.D.

The narcissist has to be NUMBER ONE, the CENTER OF ATTENTION, THE BIG CHEESE, the MAIN ATTRACTION. If he is in a situation where he fears not getting the adulation that he feels he deserves, such as with your friends or co-workers, or even in a club that you frequent (translation: your territory), he will be extremely uncomfortable, either claiming a headache, feeling ‘bad vibes’ in the place, or simply getting angry. He may insult or dismiss everyone there as ‘substandard human beings’. A narcissist cannot share his limelight with anyone, not even his spouse.

It is especially hard to let go of a relationship breakdown when you can’t find any rhyme or reason to the way it all unfolded. We think that all people are good people and can’t understand how someone could so easily just dismiss us as if we never existed.

Truth is, you didn’t exist to the narcissist. He is so totally and completely self-centered to the point of his being the only person in his life – ever. You simply were a temporary ego-boost. A narcissist supplier (an enforcer and validation of his self-love). His mirror.

You were taken in by his phony charm simply because you trusted men. And now you are left with doubts, insecurities, questions, and extreme hurt that one you cared for could so easily ‘dismiss you’ and then walk away completely unmoved and untouched by the experience.

You want him to hurt, too. To show sorrow. To feel remorse.

So that you can feel important again. Like you mattered.

But you didn’t. And it has nothing to do with you. He simply is unable to care for anyone other than himself, no matter whom they are. And deep inside you know that you have just wasted years of your life on someone who is an empty fraud. It’s like you imagined everything; nothing was real. He was a masterful actor when he was getting his ego fed; but now that he is not getting his narcissistic supply from you anymore he simply – and completely – has totally erased you from his life. It is important to remember that narcissists are ‘plotters’ and he has been plotting the destruction of the relationship since the very first moment his charming, but fake persona met you.

Expect your world to fall apart whereas his world will remain unscathed – as will his emotions. OOPS, pardon me, I made a mistake! Make that “his ‘lack of’ emotions”. Narcissistic men haven’t any empathy for others, and will never take any direct responsibility for any pain they may have caused. They will never acknowledge their wrongdoings, or apologize to you, because they truly believe themselves to be perfect. They project all their faults and flaws onto you, accusing you of the very things that they, themselves, are guilty of.

In fact, throughout your entire relationship, you probably were lead to believe that you were the problem when in actuality it was their narcissism that was at fault. You have subconsciously learned to take his attacks personally, because he is so very good at manipulating the people around him.

Narcissistic and histrionic men play on the fact that most of us are trustingand forgiving, and that we want to believe in them.

Narcissists are all about their image, and they spend an inordinate amount of time perfecting their false front, or their ‘image’. He’s forever aware of his impression on people, and he knows exactly what ‘face’ to put on to draw people into his ‘magical circle’ of followers – all with the intent to enhance his own self-exaltation.

Whatever his career, special talent, or gift may be he will spend days, weeks, months, YEARS perfecting it. If he is a lawyer there is no winning a legal argument against him. If he is a musician he will practice the same tune over and over again, each time trying to make it even more perfect than the time before. If he is a doctor he will try to out-diagnose all his colleagues. If he is a salesman, he will read every book on the market on the art of sales. Perfecting his persona for the sole purpose of gaining admiration is the only thing he holds important, and the only reward he needs.

He is an expert at even fooling himself into thinking he is larger than life and, unfortunately, the more positive the feedback he receives, the more trapped in his mirror he becomes. He would rather have adoration from complete strangers than a deep meaningful relationship with a loving partner. His image is superficial and covers up his complete lack of inner awareness. He is, quite simply, an expert fake, forever on the search for a true acceptance, but never daring enough to show his ‘real self’ for fear of not receiving it.

The sad thing is, because he feels he is loved for his fake front, he never truly feels loved for his real self, and this just further enables and encourages his narcissism.

The narcissistic mate displays many typical psychopathic characteristics. He may have falsely displayed deep emotion toward you (when he was in your good graces). In reality, he was less concerned with you than with making himself look good. In the romance department, a narcissist or a histrionic man has an uncanny ability to gain your trust and affection quickly, disarming you with his charm (i.e., “What a beautiful necklace; you have such excellent taste in jewelry“) and captivating you with his many grandiose plans (i.e., “I want to start a business with you that is something we can build together“). If he cheats on you you’ll probably find forgiveness for him – maybe even blame yourself for his infidelities – but one day when you’ve had enough, he’ll leave you with nothing but the breath-taking epiphany that your whole life with him has been a lie. He’ll also, most likely, leave you with an empty pocketbook, too. Of course, by this time he’ll already have a new ‘sucker’ under his wing, and could care less what he has done to you.

Yes, living with, loving and leaving a narcissistic man is an experience unlike any other! You are left deeply confused and weakened by the abuse.

***“My narcissist was mad at me every single day. In fact, I can’t remember even one day that he wasn’t angry, grudgeful, judgmental, and insulting.”

He wants you to pay for his inner pain, and he will do everything in his power to punish you and push you over the brink. Your mind can’t rationalize that these men are not ‘normal’, and so it tries to make sense of their behavior.

Yet, the narcissistic ex continually acts in abusive, bewildering and confusing ways. He is not above committing destructive acts. When the breakup becomes a reality, it is likely that his ‘false persona’ will completely disappear all together and you will most likely experience the most hurtful of behavior from him. He is completely lacking in empathy, and – since he is not receiving any admiration from you anymore – he will dismiss you and discard you as worthless to him, consequently dropping any fake front that he use to put up in order to keep you in the relationship.

In the end I was left feeling like a shell of a person. To think this was someone whom I lived with for 2 years and loved deeply. I will forever be changed by this experience. If he could get over on me with my New York City street sense and smarts then he could get over on anyone.  He met me when I was on top of the world. By the time he was done I had lost almost everything and everyone I loved. that was when he looked me in the face and said I do not love you anymore…. And days later was on to stalking the next girl.  This is the true facts of what I lived through and I felt compelled to share this experience to warn others. The best thing that ever happened to me was the day that sociopath left.

The day I started working on me! And forgetting about him and the mess he left for me to clean up. I decided it was time to invest in me.  I developed my own fix my self course.

I took some online courses on Meditation and Self Love which were great and cheap.

I just started doing little things everyday that made me feel good even if it was has simple has a face mask. If it made me feel good I did it and slowly it started working.

Self  love and heal yourself  back to you!

http://<a href=”https://click.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/click?id=Fqd7JP73Ld8&offerid=568245.18&subid=0&type=4″><IMG border=”0″ alt=”O+ Stick – Oxygen Plus” src=”https://ad.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/show?id=Fqd7JP73Ld8&bids=568245.18&subid=0&type=4&gridnum=9″>

 

 

 

 

 

&nbsp;